We Accept The Praise We Think We Deserve

One of my favorite lines from The Perks of Being a Wallflower is: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” I think the same is true for praise.

When I first started working with patients, I’d try to cheer them on constantly. But so often, the conversation went like this:

Me: “Look how much stronger you’re getting!”

Patient: “No, I’m weak. This is only 3 pounds.”

Rough. 

It finally clicked for me: we accept the praise we think we deserve. If the praise matches how we already feel about ourselves, it lands. If it doesn’t, we reject it without a second thought.

So how do you shut up the inner critic? Be specific. Instead of “You’re getting so strong,” try: “You lifted 1 pound more than last week.” General praise? Easy to dismiss. Specific praise, hard to deny.